Parental Restrictions (A very recent top ten list)

1. Don't smack your food at the table.
2. Don't talk about how you're going to win food smacking world records when you grow up at the table.
3. Don't stretch your shirt up over your head and elbows.
4. Don't bite your mother to express overwhelming affection.
5. Don't shout directly in your parents' ears.
6. Don't lick your washcloth.
7. Don't jam your stuffed animals down your pants.
8. Don't tell grown-ups: "You're a peacock cheesecake!"
9. Don't poke at a lizard to get the tape off it's back, it's just shedding its skin.
10. Don't use your siblings names as characters in your stories who die in battle--too upsetting for the family.